McCain Fights Mickey’s Fatwa

“The greatest constraint on your future liberties may come not from government but from corporate legal departments laboring to protect by force what can no longer be protected by practical efficiency or general social consent.” – John Perry Barlow

A provocative quote!

Now the rest of the story…

A Saudi-Arabian cleric has declared that according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse is “one of Satan’s soldiers”, a corrupting influence that should be killed in all cases. The fatwa commands each mullah of Islam that “both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed.”

A visibly angry John McCain replied emphatically today stating, “This abuse of copyright law and patent law is the the single greatest threat facing the West. Dozens of alphabet soup agencies are in a position to deal with this matter, my friends, but we spend too little time these most important of questions.

Full Text Transcript of McCain’s speech below jump

thumbnail, Disney, Mickey Mouse, Telegraph UK, Reuters‘My fellow Americans,
‘What’s Disney Corporation to do?

‘We have known for a long time, I’ve been saying this since I was first elected, this murderous threat is the lingering effects of decades of tyranny and centuries of tension. Yet year after year Washington trips over itself, failing to make critical decisions in the heat and fog of political battle, and nothing is done.

‘Not in my Administration I promise you, my friends. I immediately sat down with executives of the Disney Corporation and my top security advisers asking them to define their objectives and what they plan to do about this fatwa on Mickey Mouse. I don’t want vague Capitol Hill language but clarity and the decisiveness I’ve been known for since I first arrived in this great city.

‘So, what I want to do today is take a little time to describe what I would hope to have achieved at the end these long Mickey Commission deliberations. I cannot guarantee I will have achieved these things. I am presumptuous enough to think I would be, but not so much that I believe I can govern by command. Should I forget that, Congress will, of course, hasten to remind me. The following are conditions I intend to achieve. And toward that end, I will focus all the powers of the office; every skill and strength I possess; and seize every opportunity to work with members of Congress who put the national interest ahead of partisanship, and any country in the world that shares our hopes for a more peaceful and prosperous world.

‘We all know the necessity for “stronger” copyright and patent laws to protect the property rights of this great American nation. What they won’t tell you publicly in Washington, and, Ladies and Gentlemen, I include my good friends in the Republican Party when I say this, what they won’t stand up and demand, is when a good American such as Disney Corporation acquires a property right to a product that is a precious property right that includes the use of that product and the way that product is used. The world must know by now that our American producers and manufacturers own an historic property right to make the product, sell the product and instruct as they wish how and when their product is to be used, in all cases, and as they see fit, to control the product post-sale. I don’t give a damn what any mullah thinks about that or what copyright law and patent law has been.

“I’m saying to any mullah that purchases Mickey Mouse or smuggles him across our unprotected borders into their desert nations, Mickey will not be harmed while this Maverick is in office. This deprives our economy and our good content producers alike.

Thereby I am authorizing today that Disney Corporation is to join with Blackwater to chase these aggrandizing criminals to the gates of hell and put an end to this mullah influence once and for all. That’s enough for now, Ladies and Gentleman. I’m sure the Democratic Congress will seek to change the law to try to benefit the Consumer Lobby and I’ll worry about at another time. Thank you.

John Perry Barlow (born October 3, 1947) is an American poet, essayist, retired Wyoming cattle rancher, political activist and former lyricist for the Grateful Dead. He is also known to be a cyberlibertarian,[1] and was one of the founding members of the Electronic Frontier Foundation. [wiki]