A dog's balls wait

Lucky Lord Barkeley, a Springer Spaniel and his tennis ballI re-ordered fifty used tennis balls for my dog’s Christmas present this year. But suppliers are out of stock!

Gee Whiz, I should have known that purchasing used tennis balls is a seasonal marketplace.

Now what about that? Maybe I should organize a container shipment from 5-Star Tennis Resorts in Tasmania. I can develop a wintry-niche conglomerate to sell toys to dogs from a tropical office.

But what I really want is to eliminate the ‘carborundum effect’ of tennis balls because these toys are bad for dogs.

Tennis balls damage teeth
Cloth wrappers over rubber tennis balls collect 143,775 grits of sharp sand each afternoon. Go ahead, count ’em. That’s 369 grits per bounce which results in a reduction of .007mm tpd (tooth per bounce), which is a 4.6% increase in annualized veterinary costs, and most importantly, there’s .0099% day by day decrease in the lifespan of man’s best friend.

Applying the provocative restraint of Oxford’s rules of orderly thought, I propose a

polymer-slickness gradient to reduce duped-canine-sickness by the timely engineering of low-cost dog-enabled tooth-ready exercise balls. Any alternative dog ball technology must be sold at no greater cost than any product governed by Murphy’s law.

Thank you.

My Springer says, “If I were President, I would ask for less students of technology and more students of love.”